When Surrender Becomes Sacred
From Illness to Initiation
It was the kind of awakening that starts in the dark—when your body breaks down but your spirit is cracked open.
I'd been there before—back on my first trip to Southern France in 2008 when I was homesick and anxious and meeting with a psychic medium in the middle of a medieval forest who would, unknowingly at the time, start me on my conscious spiritual path.
But this wasn’t like that.
This time, I wasn’t just confronting my fears—I was facing my own mortality. And all I could do was surrender.
On this day thirteen years ago, I sat on my couch sobbing to my mom after receiving an email from my neurologist who refused to test me for the illness I intuitively knew I had as my body continued to decay.
Instead, he told me to take more vitamins.
“I give up,” I cried to my mom, defeated that not even my doctors were willing to help me save my own life. “I don't want to fight anymore.”
“Then I'll fight for you,” she said.
That night, I posted on a message board, begging for help. By morning, my miracle had answered.
A few weeks later, I was sitting in front of a Lyme-literate doctor who confirmed all of my symptoms and health story. It wasn't "all in my head."
I was sick.
But I was also about to be reborn.
Because Lyme disease didn’t just take my health.
It stripped me of who I thought I was and initiated me into a journey to become who I really am.
Years later, in late 2017, I met someone who again changed everything.
He was my mirror. My catalyst. My divine counterpart.
His presence didn’t just open my heart—it stirred something in me I hadn’t felt in a long time. A part of me I thought I’d lost. He didn’t just see me—he saw through me. And in that reflection, I started to remember who I really was.
Not the version shaped by pain or survival, but the one who was always underneath it all, waiting to be seen.
He helped me feel alive again.
Through that connection, something shifted. Suddenly, healing wasn’t just about my body anymore. It became about what I was holding inside—my energy, my emotions, my patterns. It was about coming back into balance. Learning how to feel safe in myself again.
Recognizing myself as whole.
It was about unlearning the survival I had mastered and choosing to live differently.
Lyme disease brought me to the edge of life.
Love brought me back to the truth of it.
And through both, I was guided not just into recovery…
But into remembrance.
I don’t speak about that chapter often anymore. But it lives in everything I do, woven into every offering I create, every soul I support, and every message I share.
Because healing is never just physical, and it's definitely not linear.
And the sacred path of ascension isn’t just about awakening to the light.
It’s about walking through the dark and letting it shape you.
It’s about remembering who you are beneath the pain.
And it’s about loving yourself so deeply that healing becomes your return to God.
If you’re in the thick of it now, wondering if you’ll ever make it out—I see you.
I’ve been there.
And I promise you: there’s a version of you on the other side of what you’re going through that you haven’t even met yet.
You’re not lost.
You’re becoming.
Stay strong, and always be brave.
